When it comes to giving gifts, is there a Bad Santa or a Good Santa in your life?
This time of year you are almost certain to see Santa Claus somewhere nearby as you shop. For the most part he looks the same: chubby, red clothes and hat, black belt and white whiskers. Sure, sometimes he wears glasses, or his beard may be a little grey, but nothing out of the ordinary. What you won’t know until Christmas morning, after Santa has visited, is that there are Bad Santas. Hopefully your Santa is the good one!
You see, you need to be sure Santa knows what you really like and don’t like … or bad gifts can happen.
A Bad Santa might think every girl wants a pretty pink gun, but Good Santa realizes that it’s not the color that makes the gun female-friendly.
A good Santa knows if you like color accessories and what colors you prefer. I like a little color to make my firearms my own, but many women dislike colors, especially pink.
A Good Santa knows that smaller guns aren’t always best for ladies. Bad Santa thinks it’s only about hand size, but Good Santa takes you to the gun store to hold various guns and choose a size you prefer. He understands that generally, smaller handguns aren’t easier to shoot. He understands that guns are like shoes. Some fit. Some don’t.
Bad Santas think bigger bullets are what the lady needs. Bigger bullets, bigger holes, right? Good Santa knows what’s most important is that you can shoot it accurately and are comfortable shooting it. He takes you to the range to practice with guns of different calibers and sizes to find the caliber you are comfortable shooting. Ooh! Range time certificates!
Bad Santa might decide to choose some new range clothes for you. Maybe he saw an ad that specified that the clothes are “just for the ladies.” Good Santa should know that you are particular about clothing, especially clothing that needs to fit for function and the ensuing rise of the pant design. Maybe he could take you shopping (and include lunch, please, and not at the food court) or just get a nice certificate to avoid being on the Bad Santa list?
The funniest thing I used to get from Bad Santa? Pink camo pajamas. It took years for Bad Santa to get it through his head that I just don’t like camo pjs!
Babbs, our publisher, said one year Bad Santa bought someone she knows a really nice meat grinder for processing venison. Really. Her friend searched inside the grinder for a piece of jewelry. Surely, it was a bad joke, right? Babbs’ friend said she never recalled even mentioning the words grinder and Christmas together. It probably didn’t help that her friend had been on a long dose of prednisone for a misdiagnosed bout of scabies.
But no, Bad Santa decided to giver her friend a grinder, and although it has come in handy and her friend and Bad Santa have enjoyed making designer venison bratwursts, the gift was a shocker and a “what in the world were you thinking” sort of thing. You see, functional gifts are great, and Bad Santas can become Good Santas if they will lay the groundwork.
In retrospect, this gift might have been a better gift for the family, not the lady in Santa’s life … unless, of course, she wanted a meat grinder. But this grinder came on the heels of several years of lovely, thoughtful jewelry, like a bolt of stainless steel out of the sky.
The difference between Bad Santa and Good Santa appears to be simple. Although good intentioned, Bad Santa gives you what he likes and thinks will be best for you, which is not always the best choice. Good Santa will ask questions, take you shopping and to the range before he delivers your Christmas gift. He listens to what you like best and adheres to your wishes. Unless of course it’s diamonds, then he can chose whatever he wants.
This Retro WON post was first published in Dec. 2015.