How to Say ‘No’ and Mean It

The word “no” may be the one word that needs no explanation. But, let’s dive deeper and analyze the word and hopefully establish that we are using the best tone and body language when it matters most – self-preservation. This will teach you how to say “no” and mean it! 

I wanted to see how the “Merriam-Webster Dictionary” defined this wee word and I found that it is very diverse; it can be a noun, an adjective, or an adverb.

• Nouns are the “subjects” of a sentence that refer to a person, place, thing, or idea. Example: “Received a firm no in reply.”
• Adjectives describe or modify a noun. What kind? How many? Example: “No disputing the decision.”
• Adverbs provide additional information about the verb. How? When? Where? Basically, action. Example: “Shook his head no.”

No matter what the category, “no” means roughly the same thing. Negative. Refusal. None. Denial. Never. Veto.

Standard Use of the Word ‘No’

Think about all the different people you may say “no” to throughout the day. Now, think about some of the non-vigorous diverse ways to say “no.” Here are several examples listed below. 

• I am afraid I can’t.
• Maybe next time.
• I am busy.
• I am not comfortable doing that.
• I don’t want to.
• Sounds great, but I cannot commit to it.
• I am honored, but I can’t.
• I have another commitment.
• I will have to pass.
• I’m not interested.

There is a time and a place for everything, so why not think of the word “no” in those terms? There are times to be polite, there are times to turn something down and give a reason, there are times to be direct with a simple “no.” 

How to Say ‘No’ and Mean It

Scenario: It is the middle of the day; you are at your favorite gas station filling up your tank and you see that a stranger has taken interest in you. He is about 25 feet from you, and you recognize that you have just been “targeted.” The bad man stares at you for over half a minute, gives you a charming smile and heads your way. 

1. Do you politely say, “Maybe next time?” and then turn your back on him?
2. Do you say, “I am honored that you have chosen me, but I’ll have to pass,” and then offer him a dollar … which brings him closer to you?
3. Or, do you say “Stop! I cannot help you!” while preparing to take other actions?

If your answer was #1 or #2, then you may not fully understand how to use the word “no” when you need to stop someone in his tracks. 

There are times when you need to say “no” in a forceful way. Your goal is to grab his attention and make him understand that you are not vulnerable. Here are a few tips: 

• Your “No, go away!” should be guttural and firm with a loud commanding voice. It is a good idea to try to combine your “no” with simple instructions on what you want them to do, such as, “No, leave now!” Your goal is for that person to leave without further confrontation. 
• Maintain solid eye contact for a few seconds that conveys this attitude: “I am serious.” (Please manage your eye contact timing so it does not become a challenging stare.) 
• Stand tall to show confidence, position your hands/arms in front of you to protect your head if things get nasty (plus, it signals the universal “no”) and look around to see what direction you can quickly move to if necessary. Please, make note that there is a difference between a confident posture and aggressive body language. 

• While all the above is happening, deploy pepper spray and reposition yourself so your car, the pump, the trash can, etc., are in between you and the bad man. An obstacle can give you time and space to make decisions.
• If all of this does not stop him, then maybe these steps have earned, you the option to leave and avoid a potentially dangerous situation or maybe it has put yourself in a position that you can use your pepper spray or another non-lethal option (or a lethal option, if necessary and you’re equipped) to stop him from doing bad things.  

Just Say ‘No!’

I highly recommend that you rehearse these steps, so they are fluid and feel second nature to you. The key to mastery is practice, practice, practice.

For more tips on how to handle personal defense situations, check out Shelley Hill’s website, The Complete Combatant.

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  About Shelley Hill

  Shelley Hill wears a "bunch of hats." Her husband, Brian, named her the “Indispensable Organization Wizard” about 25 years ago and that has become her official title. Shelley is the CEO and instructor at The Complete Combatant. She is an HK Brand Ambassador, publishes regular articles in Women’s Outdoor News and Shooting Illustrated, teaches online classes, is an Active Self Protection Certified Instructor,  an Instructor Graduate of Modern Samurai Project's Red Dot Instructor program,  NRA Certified Instructor, Certified NRA Chief Range Safety Officer, Refuse to be a Victim Instructor and is a Certified OC (Pepper Spray) Instructor through Chuck Haggard's Agile Training & Consulting. She is the designer and mastermind behind Image Based Decisional Drills, Smart Choices , LockedIn Grip, The Complete Combatant's annual The Mingle for professional ladies in the "firearms/self defense" industry and The Quest for red dot shooters. She is also the President of a non-profit organization called Blue Line Ponies. This 501c3 focuses on providing a retirement range for our career service horses. Shelley is also a presenter at several national conferences is a public speaker and she actually loves people. View all posts by Shelley Hill →