WON Landing Page OCT 2022

Babbs in the Woods: A chainsaw massacre in the woods … getting poked by an oak

Razzum, frazzum, sonuva … ouch! I muttered to myself as a Blackjack oak tree almost tore off my scalp – one of three I was trying to disentangle and haul off to the side of the road in the woods at our old home place in rural Missouri. As one of the offenders tried to take off my scalp, another one wrapped some grape-vine-ish branches around my ankles and tried to pull me down. As I pulled one treetop toward the woods, I’m sure it pulled back and grabbed onto its mate, another Blackjack that my husband had recently felled, and held on for its dear sappy life. 

That just strengthened my resolve to pull that sonuva over to the side of the road, and when my husband put down his chainsaw, he came to my rescue and yelled (over the ruckus of Blackoak branches), “Barb, Barb! It’s like a big chicken wing when pulling on these things! You pull one way and I’ll pull the other.”

Crack, like magic, and like a huge chicken wing, we pulled apart and away from each other, almost landing on our rear ends in the process, but continuing to fight the good fight.

It was a Halloween moment. A chainsaw Blackjack massacre, a fight to the death. I have battle wounds on my arms to prove it, and last night, as I stood in line at the convenience store on the way home, I pulled a stob out of my ear. When I got home, I realized I had Blackjack oak bits and pieces stuck everywhere – in my ponytail, out my ear, in all the hookey things of my Carhartt overalls … and even inside my overalls, of which I will not describe.

Getting poked by an oak on Halloween. The chainsaw massacre at the old ranch in the Ozarks. Fighting a tree that you’re sure is fighting back. It all makes sense on the most frightful holiday of the year.

Those Blackjacks in the woods haven't seen this tool at my disposal. I may just have to drive this down there and show them, if push comes to shove, I'm bringing in the heavy equipment to move their sorry limbs out of the road. Photo by Jason Baird.

  • About Barbara Baird

    Publisher/Editor Barbara Baird is a freelance writer in hunting, shooting and outdoor markets. Her bylines are found at several top hunting and shooting publications. She also is a travel writer, and you can follow her at https://www.ozarkian.com.


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